insomnia?

I can't sleep, my mind is bringing up flashbacks & thinkning of the future & shit. Whay has been, what is, what will be and what i want shit to be like....I barely got anysleep this week...I lay in bed everynight trying to go to sleep but it doesnt work. And when I do go to sleep I have some crazy ass dreams. Random ppl, but today I realzied that these ppl are in my dreams for a reason.... Bout to go read a book...

[mocha]pocahantas

" I'm so serious my chest hurts"

it all started with checking my emails. I was cleaning out my inbox and I came across an old conversation. Well three to be approxiamte. And then I though back. Of how carefree and genuine our conversations used to be.


Then came the shortness of breath...
increase in pulse....
tightening of the chest......
It was heartache.

What bothers me the most is, how can you have heartache for someone you don't even talk to, don't even trust, don't even know, don't even love ?

I kno there is one simple answer tied to these complex emotions, but it can't be happneing to me... Na not me

random....

I love kelsie Bonaparte she really has impacted my life like od I really love her

Mad random

Today I was at grand central & I was by the 7 train. The first and last time I took that shit was when I was in 9th grade and me her miguel and Anthony were going to a baseball game. After that I just started thinkning bout all the times we hung out...wall st..14st lol...135? I think and man o man we had some real good times together..... Q train anyone?na better yet the 5,or 3, shit even the lirr ....lol chill daddy.... :-p

Enna iort pocahantas

Cry

My lil cuzzo sed in a poem what resides in my heart, has flowed out of my eyes, in the form of tears & now that they've dried I see shit clear

that shit was deep and sometimes its true, only crying can make things better sometimes. But I hate to cry. Hate it hate it HATE IT. Seems like with tears there is only more drama to come. Which leads me to the point of this here blog.... The song Cry by Rihanna.i feel like I can relate to that song 110%

" was it the moment that we first kissed/ becuase its killing me to let it go/
maybe becuase we spent so much time/ and now were no more/
I shoulda never let you hold baby/ maybe that's why I'm sad to see us apart/
I didnt give it to you on purpose/ can't figure out how you got in my heart"

[ I altered the words a bit to fit my current situation]
Basically the song goes on to talk about yea she got her heart broken, but she's not gunna let it get to her. & that's why I love the song becuase I wish I could have done that in the past.... Just let love go & call it a day... And I'm going to try to keep up that attitude but I can't even front... Ima certified SUCKER for love.... smh.... But that song, the message it portrays & kinda relfects my attitude: be emotionless or show subtle emotions... I'm gunna research who wrote that song, that shit is deep, it blows mine that all the shit by rihanna that I od love ain't written by her [ ie rehab,unfaithful, breaking dishes & a few more] and she stole her whole swag from kelis but that's life lol

Young bliss babe

" my mind is gone/ I'm spinning round/ and deep inside these tears I'll drown/
I'm losing grip/ what's happening? / I stray from love / this is how I feel"

Skin Bleaching

i could'nt find the actual show footage, but here is a clip and some commentary. i think it is so sad what people are doing to themselves jus to be lighskinned beacuse they think lightskinned ppl look better!! smfh didnt anyone tell these women darksin is in! and the saddest part of all is that one lady bleaches her three children, and the darkest one is the cutest one! It was shocking and heartbreaking to see the acutal footage of the show.

Immortal Technique

Immortal Technique is looking like my new favorite rapper right about now. I like him because he talks about real things going on, true stories. My fav song is Peruvian Cocaine. He talks about things going on in South America. It talks about how corrupt the government is and how people are still in slavery. After I heard his song I researched a few things and realized how ignorant I have become, but im not as bad at those that surround me. In New York City most teenagers are focused on “getting money”,”getting fly” ,fucking,drinking and all that other bullshit. They are so ignorant, not only are they not focused on having a better life, they are supporting the people that oppressed their ancestors. All that Gucci,Prada, Louis Vuitton, Burberry,Ralph Lauren,Versace and etc., those white people got their money because their ancestors expolited,raped and tortured. my, no OUR, ancestors during slavery. By supporting them were just making ourselves more ignorant. Its one thing to have nice things but if were not helping our people, we not really doing anything. Immortal Technique has another song called Harlem Streets, I like that song too, he has some facts in there. But no lie I fucks with immortal technique, he isnt rapping to make money, he’s out here to spread knowledge and that’s wassup. Theres another song called Dancing with the devil too that I like,just check his music out, it wont hurt you.

My 16th Summer

The following is a list of words & phrases that remind me of summer 08

Fda,backpark,fights,dirtbikes,deaths, births,crushes,Dtrain,rainstorms, confessions, regrets, graduation, prom,tangy, reefer, silver, gold, kanye, tpain, a milli, black,owwww, purple, tv, facebook,juicy,marc jacobs,sunglasses,love, lust,kisses,purple kisses, the dream, flo'rida,freaky deaky, love in the club,take a bow, rihanna, disturbia, sleepover, harlem, polo,plz xcuse my hands,7th ave, lenox ave, the zoo,amsterdam , grant,e.g., me&you,tennese,vanderbuilt, darkskinn, reggie bush, dominique,felines basment, fao, kelz b, tash, tori, showbama, nate, leaper, moo, models, 14th, wendys,nas,kelis, fashion, miss sixty, puma, summer love, wanted, dark night, nunu, NICKY MANAJ!, Lloyd, sex education, girls around the world, hate that songgg, ne yo,closer, water, ralph lauren, outkast, jazzy belle, pussy money weed, kush, party, common, sidekicks, crazy ipods, showin off that new rock! , handcuffs, cuffin, cops, fuck the police, flows, yellow, dress, party, she got a donk, mommyy, father, lost love, year of the lover, sophia, pregoo,122go ,travel, guccimane, vegas, soldierboy, texting, blackberry,phonecalls, muah, leaving voicemails,saving voicemails,r.i.p. antonio, bottles,guns, missunderstood, bad bitches, wack bitches, betsey johnson, c.r.e.a.m., passion, abstinece, thighs, bricks, traphouse, droptopp, black eyes, the bronx, go gettas, tarik, old navy, 125th, h&m, macys, burberry, polo, tuflii, bodycount,4train, 6train, 2train, nautica, saks, cleanest forver21 ever!, tony burch, broke, labtop, zune, god, tupac,sugarpiehi, cigaoww, chicken wings, corsets,levis,ubs, flying chickenwings, nicki lewinski,badd bitches,rapping, son son,uko,sam the man, dre, tinkabell515, koolsinspran23(?),drehoflafamilia,tyc1015, showredcarpet, antiguanchick03, mssmiley32, bxprincezz09,glamlilstar1, troiawilliams, loveteaseaddictt, tromar3, hakzmar3, atl, spelman, binks, patrone, goose, na b keep it movin son, no dice games! , 07, lil wayne,cashmoney,youngmoney, youngberg, cyphers,140th, marco polo, beach,rucker,flowbama, nutcrackers, dyckman, monee,karyn,strawberry mentos, candy, magic city, jim jones, sweatt, tyga, lgr, eastsiideee, 5th ave, 110th, 135th, 145th, manicures, french, spanish, hawiian, indian, gladiator sandals, popeyes, baskin robbins, jimbos, guns, blackberry, penthouses, telly, belly, dvd,bike, brooklyn,chessecake, wine, big dogs, poshspot, hooka, bbqz, jackson ave, naviagtor, escalade, airport, kiss, missing you, liking you, forgetting bout you,hands, ashy,gucci, tokyo, egypt, lightskinned, step your pipe game up, ignoring calls, deleting numbers, hey luv, bake my cake, jobbowels,mickey d's, bracelets, music, girrlfriend, napptime, wife, engagements, photoshoots, talent shows, showtime, 5th &140th, 5am, emails, sconex, youtube, daniel g force, skatekey, will smith, crazy jacket, losers, bus rides, singing, europe, braces, basketball, football,sports museum, thighhighs, " let him suck it let it get soft the suck it again" tranvestites, rice & ketchup, late nights, chocolate eww,aunt sisi, monte, niketown, louis, tyler, kickboxing, thirdwheel, thunderstorms, airconditoners, snapple, mango madness, 34ds,telemundo, barney, skinny, love notes, notebook, scrapping, computer, mediatakeout.com, elevators, shorthairr, longhairr, curly hair, grandmama, siilenttrend, trendi, tasheena, flow, ashley, boyfriend, pops, treo phone, treo group, cupcake, rasputia, monster, "still fuckin netro" , blogspot,studs, diamonds, glittery,flashy, flashing lights, louis vuitton,flyguy, track,155th bridge,flaws, pros, cons, talent,music,hip hip, pop, bullshit, fav rapper, nas, weezy,andre three stacks been jamin,hov, f a b o l o u s, adddiction rmx, cassie, pretty, bet awards, steppin on my jz, take you downn, need that good good, I don't give a fuck, hey gorgeous...hey fatass, lick my ballz bitch!,st nick, tiny, lil head, 21st floor,not low, paper planes, m.i.a. , boyz, headphones, highway, fastcar, dwi, myspace, fj, frisky jailers, hallways, frog ringtone, blue, red, big b"s, beautiful girls, nikki, fiance, tattoos,shiny, excema, nivea, love me all summer & hate me all winter,5train, pradas, dick riders, beloved, cornballs, fat people, skinny cousins, hatin bitches, friendly bitches, brooklyn hoes, bronx hoes, nashville hoes, tag alongs, issaic, hot topic, pocahantas, hazel eyes, mane, finna, sticks in my bun, crocs, slim dollas, dyckman day,wagnerday, bullet proof vest, prom dates, aunt jackie(s), butterflyy blue, obnoxious, chinesse food, a train, brick game, freecell, aim, photoshop,fav ppl, push up on me, ... To be continued.......

A little introduction...

hello and how are you fellow bloggers doin this evening. I have created this blog to express my ideas and free my mind from unknown restraints...strange isn't it? well its kinda like wanting to describe something but you can find the right word.. in my case its trying to express my ideas in a manner which you all may or may not comprehend. You probably won't get it but whatever. Let me tell you a little about myselff..... i am a 16 year old young lady, def not a little girl and not a woman as of yet, but myself as well as many others believe that I am very mature for my age. Right now I am going through a stage that I am not sure how to describe.. i'm happy but i feel incomplete like there are more productive things I can be doing with my intelligence and drive. I know who my friends are and know who my enemies are i know what i want and how to get what i want but i feel as if there is something missing......but to go on im16 i currently attend the Frederick Douglass Academy & i have a large scope of topics that i would like to dish out on that range from hip hop,pancakes [ my allll time fav.food] cars,photography,my sugarpiehi[ Toriella]{the pic is of her & i}, money, the ozone layer, Rihanna [ love that girl!] & more. this blog may just be my personal journal so check back time to time.....some may learn to love me...others hate, but as long as i have the ones i love around me i'm straight!